Part III. THE LAST GOODBYE

October 9, 2000

I was studying for my finals the next day.  It was 2 am.  I was so engrossed with my book when suddenly I felt my heart racing.  For no reason, I was having palpitations, or so I thought.  Then I felt my palms were getting sweaty.  I felt my heart leaping, my stomach having butterflies, and like there’s tingling sensation on my spine.  It’s the way you feel when you’ve seen your crush or your loved one or your boyfriend.  It’s the way I felt when I was with Jayjay.  Then came fear.  Why would I feel this way when Jayjay’s not even here?  It couldn’t be that Jayjay is…..? No, no…it can’t be.  It’s impossible.  It won’t happen.  It shouldn’t happen.”

Then I felt like someone from behind held me tight.  Like somebody’s arms went around me from behind like a loving embrace.  And then I can’t move my whole body.  I know I am not dreaming or having a nightmare as they call it.  I did not fall asleep studying because my eyes were wide open.  But I can’t move even an inch.  I was glued to my seat with the book wide open in front of me.  Then I freaked out.  After a few struggles, I was able to move and stand.  I was in the dining table then (Because the table is wide and long and I can open all my medical books which are 3 to 4 inches thick.  They are like encyclopedias or so as what my father always describe them.)  I transferred to the sala and sat down for a while.  I was trying to convince myself nothing happened while I was thinking of a rational explanation for that.  But then again, I can feel somebody touching me.  This was the last straw.  I thought, forget about the big day tomorrow.  I hope I won’t flunk my finals.  I ran to my and my sister’s room (we share the room and bed.)  I woke her up and told her about everything in one breath.  But she just nodded and went back to sleep.  She was in comatose mode.  Ok fine.  I laid in bed and prayed.  I prayed so hard that whoever’s bothering me would go away.  (This is not the first time I had encounters with ghosts.)  I prayed that God and my guardian angel would watch over me.  Maybe because of stress and exhaustion, I eventually fell asleep.  Then the next day was like any ordinary day.  I went to school, took my finals like nothing happened the night before.

But after that night, I was having dreams.  They were so vivid like I was right there in that place but I can’t get the whole picture because the scenes keep changing.

In my dreams, Jayjay was lying in a metal plinth.  He was wearing nothing.  Just a white cloth covering his lower body.  His eyes were closed, more like sleeping.  At least that’s how he looked like.  In my mind, somebody’s telling me he had a fracture on the right hip.  Then I woke up.  I was scared not of the scene but of the place.  It looked cold and lonely.  I felt something at the pit of my stomach.  I was late for school.  At that time, I’ve been getting late from my classes/exams.

After a few more nights, I dreamt of Jayjay again.  I was in the middle of the school ground with lots of students around me.  They were all talking at the same time.  Some were playing, some were having conversations with their friends.  Then I saw Jayjay a few yards from where I stand.  He was looking at me.  He didn’t say anything.  He didn’t smile.  But I saw longing in his eyes.  He walked toward me and held my hand.  Still, he didn’t say a word.  He tugged my hand and held it tight, like he doesn’t want to let go of it.  Then he was running…running fast with me.  Then he suddenly stopped.  He was still holding my hand and placed it over his chest…over his heart.  He looked at me like he’s assuring me that he’s not going anywhere.  It was like he’s telling me, he will always be with me, watching over me wherever I go.  Then all the students around us suddenly disappeared.  And then he was gone.  I was left alone.  And all that was left was an umbrella tree in front of me and a grave on my feet.

PART I. FIRST LOVE NEVER DIES

Part II. HOW I MET JAYJAY (1988)

To be continued…

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4 thoughts on “Part III. THE LAST GOODBYE

  1. Reading this is giving me the chills. My imagination is keeping par with your words. You must’ve loved him very much, imagine, it’s been years but you still remember the dream. Do you still have the same dreams to date?

  2. Actually I didn’t realize I loved him that much not until he died. It’s been years but I will always remember everything. And no, I haven’t dreamt of him from 2007. You will find out most of the details in my succeeding posts. Sorry if it is in installment basis haha…it’s too long to write in one sitting. And too long to read in one sitting. I might bore my readers. 😉

  3. Pingback: Part IV. MEMORIES WERE ALL THAT WAS LEFT « All About Jennifer

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